How soon is too soon to discuss starting a family? Who decides that? What if a couple decided to start their family the day they got married? Why do people judge a newlywed couple's personal family decisions?
A client asked my boss if I was pregnant. She asked him if I was using protection. Um- none of his business, thank you. But, what if I were pregnant? Would she think less of me? On the other end of the spectrum are the people who think I should already be pregnant. I have been married 3 months after all, plus I am 33. I am not getting any younger. Older women tend to have more complications. I know all this. I don't need people telling me these things. There is a little pressure from parents, too. Not that they would admit it was pressure. On my wedding day, my mom kept asking us when we were going to have a baby. I know she was teasing us, but there was a little bit of pressure there. Jeff's mom keeps telling us they haven't had a newborn baby around their house in years. A little squeeze there, too.
What if I were trying so hard to get pregnant? What if I were having complications? How insensitive would those comments be then?
I am not saying I am completely innocent of making comments. I ran in to a friend and his wife a few months ago. They had four girls and then they had a boy. What came out of my mouth? "So, are you done now that you have a boy?" Luckily, they let me rewind the conversation and leave that part out.
As for me, I just don't feel ready. When I was single, all I could think about was getting married and starting a family. That was my plan, and it was a good one. That is my purpose, right? I used to always say if you were ready for marriage, you were ready for kids. In a way that is right, because all of your planning and ideas can easily be interrupted by pregnancy and you should be ready for that.
Jeff and I discuss it often. We know our plans. We also know that life does not go the way you plan. I see little kids and babies and they are so cute. But, I think I have been single for so long, and began to think my opportunity passed me by. It is so hard to see myself as a mother. My kids are probably in the spirit world cursing me (well, as much as you can curse someone in the spirit world). If I were to get pregnant I know I would be so ecstatic and nervous at the same time. It's not something I feel ready for at the moment, but if it were to happen, I wouldn't complain.
4 comments:
I always knew I would have kids but I never really felt ready. Josh has been ready for awhile and I just kept saying, Maybe next year. Kids are such a huge responsibility. No matter what it should be between you and your husband. you will be a great mom when the time comes. Just enjoy your marriage for now.
But I must say babies are pretty awesome.
Martha,
My blog was not about you...sorry if you felt any pressure from that end. I'm not pressuring people, I was just sharing my thoughts (as you have done here) about what the girl had said on Tuesday and it irked me, it shouldn't have, but it did. So even if you didn't take offense at it, I want you to know I wasn't even thinking of you when I wrote it :) that's sure to make everything good right? I wasn't even thinking of you :P
I was focused more on when people make that decision without thinking it through.
I hear ya Martha! I get asked the question all the time. I am ready, and we shall see where this takes me. If I can't have kids, well, I will have to be fine with nieces and nephews. Can't afford adoption or the fertility crap:) You aren't too old though, and I am only 16 months behind you:) I always wanted kids, but now can't picture myself a mom. I rambled a little:)
I remember my mom telling me when I was considering getting engaged (cause it was totally all my idea) that people will talk either way... in my case it was if we got married after only one month of dating or one year. Who cares what other people think? My grandma called my mom 9 months to the day after they got married and said, "it's ok to have the baby now" (she Carlos it like a week later). People were forever asking us when we were going to start popping babies... it got SO OLD telling people that we'd been going at it like rabbits with nothing to show for it. I even had Abinadi's grandmother leak to my Mother in Law that we were trying unsuccessfully so that she wouldn't think less of me. Blah blah blah.. my point is that you should have a baby when a. you are ready or b. you become pregnant. And for the love of pete... 33 isn't old. I don't think they start writing "AMA" (Advanced maternal age) until you are at least... 35. LOL. just kidding. By the way, have I told you how happy I am for you. You have always been one of my favorite people. I remember when we were in youth together.. I envied you.. partly b/c you got along so well with D (you know who I mean) but mostly b/c you were just so awesome. Good luck! End of book.
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